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Flying the Friendly Married Skies

When most of us board an airplane, the ticket in our hand says we belong in a seat somewhere way in the back. So we get on the plane and walk through the First Class section, gazing longingly at the plush leather seats, the wide aisles, and the already-served juice and champagne.

After a few rows, we pass a thin curtain and step into reality? jam-packed overhead compartments, cramped knees, and seats that measure a half inch too narrow for the average rear end. This is Coach, where the walk to the bathroom is shamefully long and the food cart is always three rows ahead of you.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting in a seat in economy class when it hit me: marriages give us the same options that airplanes do. If you?re married, you can either be enjoying the amenities of First Class, or you can settle for all the comforts of Coach.

It begs the question: is your marriage flying first class?

On an airplane, the best tickets offer the most space. Similarly, in a first-class marriage, the husband and wife give each other a little more elbow room. Their love and support is deep, but it doesn?t stifle.

In your marriage, does one spouse ever feel cornered? Are his or her freedoms cut short because of the other person?s influence or manipulation? Are there lines that can?t be crossed, opinions that can?t be expressed, burdens that won?t be carried, and concerns that won?t be validated?

How much space does your marriage offer? Can you stretch out your arms without fear of knocking into something? Is there room on the armrest for both elbows, or does somebody have to go without?

And speaking of comfort, there?s the issue of attendants. In First Class, flight attendants are at your beck and call, with their time and energy divided among just a small group of people.

In First Class, they offer beverages before the safety schpeal, and they hand ?em out in real glass stemware. The service is attentive, seasoned with pizzazz.

When it comes to this kind of thoughtfulness, how?s your marriage doing? Despite the noble causes and responsibilities that pull you in a million directions, do you set aside time for your husband or wife?

Do you limit your commitments outside the home so you can be sure to give enough attention to your spouse? When they press their call light to signal that they need you, how long does it take for you to respond?

When their throat is dry, when the temperature has gotten uncomfortable, when they?re having a hard time sleeping, when they just need to pop in a good movie for laughs, are you there for them?

For that matter, are you there for them even when they don?t need you? After all, that?s probably the most defining factor of First Class: pampering, providing the extras, offering more than what?s expected.

All too often, husbands and wives settle for only the basics in their relationship. They leave out the added comforts, they neglect the amenities, and they forget there?s a better option out there. Their marriage becomes one of function?let?s fasten our seatbelts and just get through this?and they never reach the point where they?re enjoying the ride.

What makes for this difference? That?s simple. A first-class marriage costs more?sometimes a lot more. First-class spouses put effort and energy into their relationship, and not everybody is willing to pay that price. When push comes to shove, not everybody really wants to win at home.

If you think your marriage could use an upgrade, ask your spouse to name the price. Find out what you can do to make the relationship better for him or her. Then do it. After all, there?s no use talking about all this if you?re not willing to put your money where your flotation seat is.

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