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Pillow Talk

Sex, when used properly, is an incredible force toward good within a marriage. It creates a world where only the two exist, a place reserved for husband and wife alone. Connecting the two both physically and emotionally, it unites them in body and spirit. This is a natural adhesive that helps to hold them together-the bond is so powerful it even has a way of smoothing out rough areas in a marriage. No kidding, it can solve arguments and dissolve disagreements in the amount of time it takes to dance the Tango nude. And that's a really good thing. (The smoothing effect, we mean. Depending on your dance skills, the Naked Tango can be dangerous.)

Still, the topic of sex can be one of the most difficult discussion topics in a marriage by far. Not only is it deeply personal with the potential to be very complicated and confusing, but the process of discovering sexual satisfaction is also an always-changing, always-adapting experience in marriage. It can get better and better with age, but it remains a fascinating, unique, never-ending process of learning. As long as you and your spouse are married, the topic of sex will provide plenty of room for discussion-and for discovering each other. That's why it's so vital to regularly evaluate your sex life.

There are some simple ways to incorporate 'pillow talk' talk in your marriage. Try using the following as discussion-starters:

Individually, complete these sentences:
When we got married, my expectations of sex were...
When it comes to sex, the most difficult thing to talk about with my spouse is ____________, because...

Individually, choose True/False:
T/F At times, I am uncomfortable discussing sex with my spouse.
T/F In our marriage, sex can become leverage.
T/F In our marriage, my spouse is sexually satisfied.

ASK YOUR SPOUSE:
What messages about sex (from your childhood/culture/church, etc.) have you carried into our marriage?
What's one simple adjustments we could make to have a more satisfying sex life?






This feature is adapted from chapter three of "The Necessary Nine: How to Stay Happily Married for Life" by Dan Seaborn and Peter Newhouse, PhD, with Lisa Velthouse. To order your copy of this book, contact Winning At Home

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