Are you wondering why your spouse has been more distant than usual? Are you trying to connect with a friend but they are always busy? It may be that you are displaying behaviors that alienate people. Maybe you are going through a hard time in your life, particularly in your marriage and family. When this happens, do you tend to blame other people or your circumstances as the causes of your bad day, bad week, or bad month?
If so, have you considered that someone or something else is actually not to blame? After you’ve exhausted all of the people and situations in your life that could be the source of your frustration and irritation and have found nothing there, perhaps it’s time to look in the mirror and reflect on your own behaviors. Your actions may actually be toxic in nature and they are creating the stress in your life that you think is coming from elsewhere.
I want to share some behaviors with you that you might be exhibiting that could be causing havoc in your life and making it difficult for other people to be around you. While your inclination is to blame the situations in your life on someone or something else, it’s possible that you are the source.
One such behavior is jealousy. Have you ever experienced this emotion toward your spouse or a friend? It’s hard not to feel envious when our society measures success by material wealth. The key to avoiding the green monster is learning to be content with who you are and what you have. One way to accomplish that is to name at least five things each day that you are grateful for.
Do you have a tendency to take everything personally? Your spouse says something negative that is not at all about you, but somehow you turn it inward and you take offense. This victim-like behavior will cause you to miss out on receiving compliments or positive feedback and you will overlook opportunities to grow or improve yourself. Remember, people aren’t thinking about you as often as you think they are.
Obsessive negative thinking will prevent you from seeing the positive side of anything. When you constantly remind everyone of what’s not right in the world or how unfair life can be, you become akin to a bug repellent. People will avoid contact with you. To combat that, try to look for the silver lining.
If you need endless validation, that can be quite draining for those around you. A constant need for reassurance that you are loved or that you did a good job will exhaust your wife and other family members. When your wife tells you that she loves you, start believing them.
Do the above descriptions remind you of yourself, your spouse, or another family member? If it’s you, then consider implementing some of the ideas I’ve suggested. If it’s your spouse or another family member, perhaps you need to have a tough conversation with them about how their toxic behavior is poisoning your love and killing the relationship. It won’t be a comfortable talk, but it’s necessary.
If just talking or changing a few habits doesn’t help, you or your loved ones may need to seek professional help. Whatever it takes, find a way to stop these behavioral toxins from leaking out and seeping into the fabric of your relationships.