Tips For Discovering Sexual Satisfaction With Your Husband
Sex was created as a good and pure interaction between a husband and wife. It’s a unique and powerful bond that can smooth out the rough areas in a marriage, and its design is to bring a couple together, not to be something that causes wounds.
Wives, it’s important to understand that your husband’s sexuality plays a huge part in the way he defines himself as a man and as a husband. His self-image grows substantially if he feels accepted and desired as your lover. He feels happy, confident, strong, capable, and wanted. If he feels rejected or unwanted as your lover, his self-image is affected just as strongly, this time negatively. He ends up feeling dissatisfied, insecure, demoralized, inadequate, and shunned. Just as damaging is a wife who is mentally checked out, which communicates that she doesn’t enjoy being intimate with him. Being sexually available is not the issue; a man desires a wife who is sexually engaged.
For the sake of comparison, consider this: most men long to feel sexual to the same degree that most women long to feel beautiful. Sex is that important to men. That’s why, from a husband’s perspective, N-O is a loaded response, at times carrying a crushing force. Even if you don’t intend rejection, it can often feel that way to him. Also, because your husband’s body is buzzing with testosterone (the sex drive hormone), it’s no surprise that sex is on his mind about once every 45 seconds. It’s literally physically impossible for your husband to fully suppress his desire for intimacy. We don’t claim that sex is a need for men, but we’ll tell you that it can definitely feel that way.
Here are a couple of ways you can consider your husband’s sexuality:
- Know that your husband isn’t perverted. If he wants sex more often (even much more often) than you do, that doesn’t mean he’s obsessed. Scolding him for having a strong sex drive is both hurtful and nonsensical. Acknowledge the intensity of his sex drive and the impact it has on his life, and enjoy the fact that he’s sexually interested in you. Let your husband know you’re interested in being intimate with him, even if right now isn’t exactly the right time.
- Make the first move. Show your husband you’re interested in him sexually (we have yet to meet a man who doesn’t love it when his wife initiates intimacy). Learn to view intimacy and your body as important gifts you can offer him. Enjoy your role as the only woman who holds the license to be his lover. Take pride in that role, and uphold its significance in your marriage. It’ll wow your husband’s socks off!
Used properly, sex is an incredibly positive force within a marriage. Remember that working toward each other’s sexual satisfaction, though it means facing the challenge of staying open to change and adaptation, is also directly working toward the strength of your unity as a couple.
– Excerpt from The Necessary Nine by Dan Seaborn & Dr. Peter Newhouse