Where Is Your Focus?

I have yet to meet the married couple that isn’t, when you get right down to the core of things, Mr. and Mrs. Fix-it. Despite whatever’s going right in their relationship, no doubt pay more attention to what’s damaged, what’s wearing thin, what’s never worked too well. Ask a couple to name the three things they disagree about most often, and they’ll probably be able to rattle off a trio (maybe even a few things more) in no time.

Why? Usually it’s not because of a shortage of great things in the marriage; it’s just that the negatives, not the positives, are taking up the brunt of their brain space and waiting on the tips of their tongues.

My wife and I have discovered that one of the best ways to cope with our differences, to get past problems and little issues in our marriage, is to focus on the strengths in our relationship. We shift our attention to what’s good, what’s getting even stronger, what’s always seemed to click between us. With those things putting everything else in perspective, we’re able to see when the need for little fix-its is distracting us from life’s real greatness.

I’d like you to try something today. Grab a notepad or a Post-it, and sit down to make a quick list of what you love most in your relationship. (Don’t finish writing until you’ve smiled at least once.)

Next, take your list and put it somewhere you’ll see it often. Then make a practice of looking at the list often—looking, not just glancing. Keep those “favorites” in mind; think about them on a regular basis and you’ll probably win more often at home.


Winning At Home encourages people at all ages and stages of
family development to lead Christ-centered homes.